i get scared. it may seem like i don’t and i have all the control in the world of my life, but i’m just like everyone. i get scared that what if one day i lose it all, what happens then? i don’t want to get hurt.

i was hurt before, and i don’t ever want to feel like that again. that’s probably one of the reasons why i try not to get too close to someone. when i start feeling like i’m getting too close, i freak out and i distance myself a bit. i’m sorry for anyone who felt like i was a bit distant, it really is just me being scared of commitment. i want to know i still have the freedom i need. i have 2 best friends in the world, but they’re in different countries. i have really close friends here where i live but i also try to maintain a reasonable distance. i don’t want to gt hurt and i’m not gonna allow anyone to hurt me.

i know this may sound selfish, but i’ve never said this before and i just really need to.

and when i get close, i back out like a little baby. rejection. i don’t want to be rejected, cause i’ve been rejected my whole life. everyone gets rejected but every guy who i’ve liked or shown interest too have rejected me. i know i know i will find someone later and all that but what about now? don’t i deserve to be happy too? i thought karma and fate has roles for us. where is mine? i want to feel love and be loved. i really do.